Another recycle (who says I am not green). This was one of my very 1st blog posts. It is also one of my favorites.
Those that know my oldest daughter would prolly describe her as colorful and unexpected. She was born with what my grandmother called an "old soul". She was grown from the first breath she took.
Over the years I have accumulated numerous Ansley stories. Every so often I will share these stories in "Ansley Says". These are posts that you really don't want to miss!
Todays story takes me back to Christmas 2006. Dean and I were married earlier that year so this was our first official Christmas as a family. Dean's parents live in a retirement village in Arkansas. Dean had lived in this area for a few years prior to moving to SC, so he has a heap of friends there. The opportunity opened up that we would be able to travel to AR to spend some time with his parents and friends the week prior to Christmas. This was super exciting for all of us! The kids were jacked because this would be their first plane trip!
I was so super nervous. You have to remember, Dean moved to my world so I had only met his parents a few times and only briefly meet some of his LA family and friends at our wedding. So this was a big deal for me! I wanted them to like me and the kiddies lots! I prepared for weeks. Picking outfits and prepping the kids. At night I would go to bed whining about how I wanted to go, but I didn't want to go. I really was excited, just super nervous. Contrary to popular belief, I HATE to be the center of attention.
During this same time period my gypsy friends (yes real gypsies, and I have a blog planned to tell you about them in detail that you will not want to miss) introduced me to clip on hair. Older people call them "falls". Now you have to remember I am super self conscious. I am very consertive. I wish I could just do what I like, but unfortunately (maybe because I talk about peoples poor fashion decisions) I am not a risk taker. However, after admiring one gypsies hair piece I was intrigued. I decided to give it a try.
The day of our trip came. I decided that we were going to be traveling all day and I wanted to look fabo for my very first meeting with all of this very important people in my husbands life, to wear the piece. Sigh. So I did. It did look fabo. I was happy! Until...
Dean's parents own a restruant in the retirement village. Anyone and everyone knew we were arriving that day and made it a point to be at the restruant around the time we were to arrive. The closer we got the bigger the knot in my stomach became. Dean and I reminded the kids (6 and 8 at the time) to use their manners (yes ma'am, no ma'am...all that junk). Standard instruction before going into any situation. They were bouncing in the car in anticipation of the adventure that was ahead.
We arrived at the restaurant and went in the back way so Dean could see the employees first. This meeting was just a brief exchange b/c they were all busy working. So then we walk through the swinging door to a waiting room. As we walking in (me bringin up the rear b/c I have learned that the kids deflect attention if you send them in first) there were at least 10 waiting couples. As soon as the little ones walked in they were surrounded by grandmothers. Good! My plan was working!! Ansley ran up to a grandmother and offered a great big hug. I am sure that this surprised the woman that my children were so openly loving with people they had never met. After the hug (Ansley had not even spoke at this point, she just came in and hugged) she push her head back to look at the woman in the face (while her arms were still clasped around the womans waist) and said "MY MAMA HAS FAKE HAIR". OMFG!
To say I wanted to crawl under the table was an understatement. I can't blame the child. She was playing the same game I was, deflecting the attention. I also did not specifically tell her not to tell anyone about my fake hair. Mommies listen up! Be specific. Take nothing for granted. If you do your children will out you also!
I have since taught my daughter what to say and not say, so now she saves all her littlw tween quips for family time. I look forward to sharing them with all of you
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Let's talk poo, again
Another recycle. Not even that great of one. I am begining to think I am not the great of a writer...anyway...
I am totally random. One minute I a talking about psycho teachers and the next I have sweet posts about my kids and how I am trying to be a good mom and teach them how to be up standing people...yeah. Such as my life, I have 2 blog personalities. Sweet Mommy and Bad Mommy.
Bad Mommy does have some influence over the kids. They really like her when she dances around like a drunk chicken or laughs at something someone is wearing on TV (or in person). I try to have a mix of Sweet/Bad Mommy. Sometimes Bad Mommy gets a little more raunchy with her posts, and that brings me this post. If you like Sweet Mommy, this might not be the post for you.
That all being said, let's shoot the poo.
There comes a time in all relationships that you are totally comfortable with you partner. Issues arise over time and you have to deal with them. Like after you have been dating for 6 months and you take a huge dump in your boyfriends bathroom. I mean one that no amount of fabreeze will cover up. You can do one of 2 things. Walk out and act like your eyes are not watering or you are choking on your own stench, or walk out and say "Damn, I blow the mother effer up!".
See I am the kinda girl that does not ignore elephants in the room, esp if they have just stepped in 25 pounds of shit. Dean appreciates my candidness. I like to think my honesty mixed with poo smell is what made him fall madly in love with me!
This is a 2 way street. When you open poo up for discussion, be prepared...men LOVE to talk about shit! LOVE IT! The stinkier, the more impressive. It really is sick.
This brings me to my words for pooping. Let me give you a few of our code names for matters of the poo.
Shit Baby= poo
I am sure you prolly have heard of dropping kiddies off at the pool. This is my adaptation. Normally after you have a shit baby you come out and announce how big your baby was.
"I just had a 3lb 4oz shit baby".
Delivery Room= bathroom
Delivery Rooms are any bathrooms. If you are in public and there are stalls, this is a maternity ward. I do not use Delivery Rooms in public unless 100% chance I will not make it to my home delivery room.
Contractions= gas
This, as in real childbirth, can be false labor. You just have to be careful or you can shart (shit and fart at the same time). If you are not in a delivery room, this could make for a big mess and you would be minus a pair of drawers.
Labor= the pains you get in your stomach when birth is emanate. Normally it is contractions that built. Needless to say, you better be near a delivery room.
Multiple Births= Ugh! The most irritating. It is when you have delivered and then go into labor again. I really hate multiple births!
Just so you know I am totally weird and I totally fell from a weird tree. My parents also had code words for pooping. Theirs was not near as intricate as mine (I am a total over achiever when it comes to poop). They would simply say "I am having an SA". SA= shit attack.
So yes you know I am totally fracked up. I promise not to make another appearance, nor talk about poo for a long time...maybe.
Love,
Bad Mommy
I am totally random. One minute I a talking about psycho teachers and the next I have sweet posts about my kids and how I am trying to be a good mom and teach them how to be up standing people...yeah. Such as my life, I have 2 blog personalities. Sweet Mommy and Bad Mommy.
Bad Mommy does have some influence over the kids. They really like her when she dances around like a drunk chicken or laughs at something someone is wearing on TV (or in person). I try to have a mix of Sweet/Bad Mommy. Sometimes Bad Mommy gets a little more raunchy with her posts, and that brings me this post. If you like Sweet Mommy, this might not be the post for you.
That all being said, let's shoot the poo.
There comes a time in all relationships that you are totally comfortable with you partner. Issues arise over time and you have to deal with them. Like after you have been dating for 6 months and you take a huge dump in your boyfriends bathroom. I mean one that no amount of fabreeze will cover up. You can do one of 2 things. Walk out and act like your eyes are not watering or you are choking on your own stench, or walk out and say "Damn, I blow the mother effer up!".
See I am the kinda girl that does not ignore elephants in the room, esp if they have just stepped in 25 pounds of shit. Dean appreciates my candidness. I like to think my honesty mixed with poo smell is what made him fall madly in love with me!
This is a 2 way street. When you open poo up for discussion, be prepared...men LOVE to talk about shit! LOVE IT! The stinkier, the more impressive. It really is sick.
This brings me to my words for pooping. Let me give you a few of our code names for matters of the poo.
Shit Baby= poo
I am sure you prolly have heard of dropping kiddies off at the pool. This is my adaptation. Normally after you have a shit baby you come out and announce how big your baby was.
"I just had a 3lb 4oz shit baby".
Delivery Room= bathroom
Delivery Rooms are any bathrooms. If you are in public and there are stalls, this is a maternity ward. I do not use Delivery Rooms in public unless 100% chance I will not make it to my home delivery room.
Contractions= gas
This, as in real childbirth, can be false labor. You just have to be careful or you can shart (shit and fart at the same time). If you are not in a delivery room, this could make for a big mess and you would be minus a pair of drawers.
Labor= the pains you get in your stomach when birth is emanate. Normally it is contractions that built. Needless to say, you better be near a delivery room.
Multiple Births= Ugh! The most irritating. It is when you have delivered and then go into labor again. I really hate multiple births!
Just so you know I am totally weird and I totally fell from a weird tree. My parents also had code words for pooping. Theirs was not near as intricate as mine (I am a total over achiever when it comes to poop). They would simply say "I am having an SA". SA= shit attack.
So yes you know I am totally fracked up. I promise not to make another appearance, nor talk about poo for a long time...maybe.
Love,
Bad Mommy
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Vacation Memory...Dumb Ass, Drag Queens and ACDC
Another re post from my other blog. I swear I will write something new one day...
Let's flip back the pages to the summer of 2002. Matt was 3. Ans was 18 months, and I was married to a dumb ass. Now when I say dumb ass, I mean DUMB ASS. I do not have the time, nor energy to explain why in the fuck I married such an idiot. I just did. I got 2 kids outta the deal. For that I am thankful.
My parents invited us to go with them to Daytona for a week. That was a great treat for us since I was a SAHM and DA did not make that much moola. Us getting to go on any kind of vacation was awesome (well as awesome as it can be married to a DA).
We did the beach and hit a dolphin experience dealy. We also went to the Meca of motor sports racing, Dayton International Speedway. I was totally stoked going there because I *was a huge NASCAR fan at the time.
One day my mother, who has a wicked sense of humor, came to me and pointed out a bar across the street from the condo. I was like big flappin deal. Oh no...this was a special bar.
Let me stop here and tell you that I love gay people. Love them. I guess it is their flamboyance, or flair. I don't know, but I would love to have a gay bestie. I have asked Dean where I might find a gay to hang with. He was no help. I came up with the idea to go to online dating sites and search men seeking men in my area. I am just not quite sure if that will work. I mean what would I say?
"Hi! I totally don't have the parts your are interested in, but I am looking for a BGFF. Are you interested?"
Yeah, I don't think that will work. My mom's bff was a gay. Unfortunately he passed. Damn him, he totally could have been my hook up. (This is all in jest people! I don't really damn him, but I am pissed he died).
Anyway, this bar was a gay bar. Who friggin cool is that? Well, wicked mother had a plan. She said I should take DA and not necessarily tell him anything other than it was a bar.
Holy shit bombs! What a fantastic idea!
I guess I should give you a little back ground on DA. You already know he is a DA. He is very judgmental and defiantly homophobic. He and I had never been to a bar together. I have never seen him drink. Yeah! Good times!
So I talk him into going. (Lord, as I write this story I am sure that I will be going to hell). We walk in and I about dropped my teeth! There were all these TVs all over the place that were playing videos of shirtles hard bodied men rubbing all over each other! It was fabulous! I could hardly contain my giggles as DA was getting checked out!!!! I have to stop here and tell you we did stick out like a sore thumb! We were defiantly the "straight" couple.
Other then the TV gyrations there was no actual dancing going on. Damn. (It had not dawned on DA that this was an alternative club). We order drinks, coke...how boring, and bellied up to the rail around the dance floor. No one was dancing, but we had great seats for the
DRAG SHOW!!!!!!!
Oh my! I about hyper ventilated when dude (do I call him a dude if he is way prettier then most women I know) came out in full drag! Hyper ventilated and shit in my pants! This guy was beautiful. Words can not describe the awe I was in. I had never seen a real live Queen before. It rocked!!!
In all my wonder I did not think to look at DA. A few minutes into the act he leans over and says "Is that a guy?"
OMFG! As if this could not get any better, it does!
I seriously thought I was going to piss in my pants. I just sat there and laughed. I did not even look at DA again for fear that I would piss in my pants.
So we sat through the first act deal and then it came time for an intermission. This older guy comes and bellies up on the other side of DA. He looked harmless. Like he was just as lost as DA was at this point. He starts talking to DA.
It was meaningless chit chat. I was not even paying much attention until dude asked if we came to places like this often. (Ears perked up). DA told him no, actually we have never been to a bar. Ok. Please let this man know that we are straight and are not looking for a good time.
Dude keeps talking. Then he jokes that we stick out as the token "straight" couple. Oh shit. Little bit more talking. Dude asks where we are staying.
Let me stop here and say DA has diarrhea of the mouth. He also would talk to a lamp post. He told our whole life story to this guy. I was sitting there about to die!
Then the guy said "I like AC/DC, do you?"
OMG! OMG! OMG!
DA said "Yeah, their great!"
Fuck me!!! No wait! Not FUCK ME! Shit!
I stood up and said "No the hell you don't! Let's go!".
DA just sat there. For a split second I thought about leaving his ass there. "We have got to go! I am worried about the baby."
He scoffed at me. I was pissing him off. He and his new friend were starting to talk about music. That was right up his alley.
"No, we really have to leave". I started to back away. He finally agreed and as soon as we got outside he started bitching.
"You Dumb Ass! He was not asking about the group ACDC! He was asking about you sexual preferences!".
Then it took me 20 minutes to explain the AC/DC electric current thing and how that was a metaphor for being bisexual. I told yall he was a dumb ass.
I am just glad to say that he is someone elses problem now! LOL
Let's flip back the pages to the summer of 2002. Matt was 3. Ans was 18 months, and I was married to a dumb ass. Now when I say dumb ass, I mean DUMB ASS. I do not have the time, nor energy to explain why in the fuck I married such an idiot. I just did. I got 2 kids outta the deal. For that I am thankful.
My parents invited us to go with them to Daytona for a week. That was a great treat for us since I was a SAHM and DA did not make that much moola. Us getting to go on any kind of vacation was awesome (well as awesome as it can be married to a DA).
We did the beach and hit a dolphin experience dealy. We also went to the Meca of motor sports racing, Dayton International Speedway. I was totally stoked going there because I *was a huge NASCAR fan at the time.
One day my mother, who has a wicked sense of humor, came to me and pointed out a bar across the street from the condo. I was like big flappin deal. Oh no...this was a special bar.
Let me stop here and tell you that I love gay people. Love them. I guess it is their flamboyance, or flair. I don't know, but I would love to have a gay bestie. I have asked Dean where I might find a gay to hang with. He was no help. I came up with the idea to go to online dating sites and search men seeking men in my area. I am just not quite sure if that will work. I mean what would I say?
"Hi! I totally don't have the parts your are interested in, but I am looking for a BGFF. Are you interested?"
Yeah, I don't think that will work. My mom's bff was a gay. Unfortunately he passed. Damn him, he totally could have been my hook up. (This is all in jest people! I don't really damn him, but I am pissed he died).
Anyway, this bar was a gay bar. Who friggin cool is that? Well, wicked mother had a plan. She said I should take DA and not necessarily tell him anything other than it was a bar.
Holy shit bombs! What a fantastic idea!
I guess I should give you a little back ground on DA. You already know he is a DA. He is very judgmental and defiantly homophobic. He and I had never been to a bar together. I have never seen him drink. Yeah! Good times!
So I talk him into going. (Lord, as I write this story I am sure that I will be going to hell). We walk in and I about dropped my teeth! There were all these TVs all over the place that were playing videos of shirtles hard bodied men rubbing all over each other! It was fabulous! I could hardly contain my giggles as DA was getting checked out!!!! I have to stop here and tell you we did stick out like a sore thumb! We were defiantly the "straight" couple.
Other then the TV gyrations there was no actual dancing going on. Damn. (It had not dawned on DA that this was an alternative club). We order drinks, coke...how boring, and bellied up to the rail around the dance floor. No one was dancing, but we had great seats for the
DRAG SHOW!!!!!!!
Oh my! I about hyper ventilated when dude (do I call him a dude if he is way prettier then most women I know) came out in full drag! Hyper ventilated and shit in my pants! This guy was beautiful. Words can not describe the awe I was in. I had never seen a real live Queen before. It rocked!!!
In all my wonder I did not think to look at DA. A few minutes into the act he leans over and says "Is that a guy?"
OMFG! As if this could not get any better, it does!
I seriously thought I was going to piss in my pants. I just sat there and laughed. I did not even look at DA again for fear that I would piss in my pants.
So we sat through the first act deal and then it came time for an intermission. This older guy comes and bellies up on the other side of DA. He looked harmless. Like he was just as lost as DA was at this point. He starts talking to DA.
It was meaningless chit chat. I was not even paying much attention until dude asked if we came to places like this often. (Ears perked up). DA told him no, actually we have never been to a bar. Ok. Please let this man know that we are straight and are not looking for a good time.
Dude keeps talking. Then he jokes that we stick out as the token "straight" couple. Oh shit. Little bit more talking. Dude asks where we are staying.
Let me stop here and say DA has diarrhea of the mouth. He also would talk to a lamp post. He told our whole life story to this guy. I was sitting there about to die!
Then the guy said "I like AC/DC, do you?"
OMG! OMG! OMG!
DA said "Yeah, their great!"
Fuck me!!! No wait! Not FUCK ME! Shit!
I stood up and said "No the hell you don't! Let's go!".
DA just sat there. For a split second I thought about leaving his ass there. "We have got to go! I am worried about the baby."
He scoffed at me. I was pissing him off. He and his new friend were starting to talk about music. That was right up his alley.
"No, we really have to leave". I started to back away. He finally agreed and as soon as we got outside he started bitching.
"You Dumb Ass! He was not asking about the group ACDC! He was asking about you sexual preferences!".
Then it took me 20 minutes to explain the AC/DC electric current thing and how that was a metaphor for being bisexual. I told yall he was a dumb ass.
I am just glad to say that he is someone elses problem now! LOL
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A potty post...Phone Etiquette
I am still in the process of getting this new blog up and running. I am doing this in the middle of school starting so I dont have tons of time. So I am going to cheat and post an older post from my other blog and hope that yall enjoy.
When I was 15 years old I received the most awesome Christmas present. A cordless phone. I will never forget opening that box and getting so excited that I wanted to piss all over myself like a little puppy. It was an ATT white cordless phone with a retractable metal antenna. It represented freedom. No longer did I have to try to stretch the phone cord across the house while trying to clean before my mom got home from work. I could walk and talk. Wash dishes and talk. Chase after my bad ass little brother and talk. I did not have to stop my teenager jibber jabber for anything…even going to the bathroom.
Going to the potty while on the phone, it is an art. To know how to turn on fans or run water at just the right time so the person on the other end will never know that you have included them in your most private moment. When you are a kid it is no big deal. Most of the time my friends and I would laugh about “your going to the bathroom with me”. The problem comes in when you get a little older and take non friends with you to the pot.
This is just what happened to me several time. I was on the phone with the cable company and I went into labor (if you have not read my terms for going potty click here). My contractions were getting closer and closer and I knew that deliver was emanate. However, I was on hold. I had been on hold for quite some time and I did not want to loose my place in line. So I took the cable company with me to the potty. I did not think that it would be a huge deal. I figured that my shit baby would be delivered before they actually answered the phone.
I was wrong.
This particular baby was a difficult delivery. It demanded a lot of concentration and some of the breathing techniques that I learned in my real child birth classes (That has really came in handy during shit baby births. I did not need it for my actual childbirths since I had c-sections with all 3. I still think it was $150 well spent) .
Cable Person: Thank you for calling G Force cable. Can I help you?
Me: breath-grunt-breath (in deep concentration and did not even hear cable person)
Cable Person: Hello? Can I help you?
Me: (snapped into realization that someone is actually on the line talking to me, however I am in a very critical part of delivery and I just cant get it all together) grunt-umm yeah, my cable is out-breath
Cable Person: What is your phone number?
Me: 593 grunt 2526 breath
Cable Person: Yes, April Celestin?
Me: Yeah, that is me (grunt)
Cable Person: 123 Oak Ln.
Me: (turning on the fan b/c I know that delivery is soon) Yes- big grunt
Cable Person: Yes, I show an outage in your area. We are…
WHAM! I had a 10 pound shit baby and it may not have cried, but everyone knew it had arrived.
Cable Person: Hello? Ma’am
Me: I am here…so, ugh, there is an outage?
Cable Person: yes, we are not sure how long it will take to get your service back up.
Me: Well it is going to be before tonight? Big Brother is on and I do not want to miss it. (yes, I am one of those people)
Cable Person: We have people out working on it right…
**FLUSH** (Y’all didn’t expect for me to sit on the pot all day did ya?)
Me: Umm, ok
Cable Person: Can I help you with anything else today? (like wiping your ass you freak that shits while on the phone doing business)
Me: No, that’s all
Cable Person: Thank you for selecting G-Force (and taking a dump while we were on the phone your gross ass). Have a nice day (since you have ruined mine).
I would love to tell you that this was made up, but it was not. I would like to tell you that this is the one and only time that I have ever been caught in such a situation, but it is not. I will tell you that I have taught my children better phone etiquette.
About 2 months ago my son was in the garage listening to his stereo. He came barreling into the house and took off to the bathroom. You must understand that everyone in my family holds it until the very last possible minute. He had the stereo blaring The Jackson 5’s Rockin Robin. When he came back past me I asked him why he had the stereo blaring if he was not out there. Simple. He was on the phone and he needed to go to the bathroom so he asked his friend what he wanted to listen to while he was gone and basically played his friend some “hold while I poop music“.
Such a considerate child!
When I was 15 years old I received the most awesome Christmas present. A cordless phone. I will never forget opening that box and getting so excited that I wanted to piss all over myself like a little puppy. It was an ATT white cordless phone with a retractable metal antenna. It represented freedom. No longer did I have to try to stretch the phone cord across the house while trying to clean before my mom got home from work. I could walk and talk. Wash dishes and talk. Chase after my bad ass little brother and talk. I did not have to stop my teenager jibber jabber for anything…even going to the bathroom.
Going to the potty while on the phone, it is an art. To know how to turn on fans or run water at just the right time so the person on the other end will never know that you have included them in your most private moment. When you are a kid it is no big deal. Most of the time my friends and I would laugh about “your going to the bathroom with me”. The problem comes in when you get a little older and take non friends with you to the pot.
This is just what happened to me several time. I was on the phone with the cable company and I went into labor (if you have not read my terms for going potty click here). My contractions were getting closer and closer and I knew that deliver was emanate. However, I was on hold. I had been on hold for quite some time and I did not want to loose my place in line. So I took the cable company with me to the potty. I did not think that it would be a huge deal. I figured that my shit baby would be delivered before they actually answered the phone.
I was wrong.
This particular baby was a difficult delivery. It demanded a lot of concentration and some of the breathing techniques that I learned in my real child birth classes (That has really came in handy during shit baby births. I did not need it for my actual childbirths since I had c-sections with all 3. I still think it was $150 well spent) .
Cable Person: Thank you for calling G Force cable. Can I help you?
Me: breath-grunt-breath (in deep concentration and did not even hear cable person)
Cable Person: Hello? Can I help you?
Me: (snapped into realization that someone is actually on the line talking to me, however I am in a very critical part of delivery and I just cant get it all together) grunt-umm yeah, my cable is out-breath
Cable Person: What is your phone number?
Me: 593 grunt 2526 breath
Cable Person: Yes, April Celestin?
Me: Yeah, that is me (grunt)
Cable Person: 123 Oak Ln.
Me: (turning on the fan b/c I know that delivery is soon) Yes- big grunt
Cable Person: Yes, I show an outage in your area. We are…
WHAM! I had a 10 pound shit baby and it may not have cried, but everyone knew it had arrived.
Cable Person: Hello? Ma’am
Me: I am here…so, ugh, there is an outage?
Cable Person: yes, we are not sure how long it will take to get your service back up.
Me: Well it is going to be before tonight? Big Brother is on and I do not want to miss it. (yes, I am one of those people)
Cable Person: We have people out working on it right…
**FLUSH** (Y’all didn’t expect for me to sit on the pot all day did ya?)
Me: Umm, ok
Cable Person: Can I help you with anything else today? (like wiping your ass you freak that shits while on the phone doing business)
Me: No, that’s all
Cable Person: Thank you for selecting G-Force (and taking a dump while we were on the phone your gross ass). Have a nice day (since you have ruined mine).
I would love to tell you that this was made up, but it was not. I would like to tell you that this is the one and only time that I have ever been caught in such a situation, but it is not. I will tell you that I have taught my children better phone etiquette.
About 2 months ago my son was in the garage listening to his stereo. He came barreling into the house and took off to the bathroom. You must understand that everyone in my family holds it until the very last possible minute. He had the stereo blaring The Jackson 5’s Rockin Robin. When he came back past me I asked him why he had the stereo blaring if he was not out there. Simple. He was on the phone and he needed to go to the bathroom so he asked his friend what he wanted to listen to while he was gone and basically played his friend some “hold while I poop music“.
Such a considerate child!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Air traffic control, this is Big Fat Mama Chopper coming in for a landing
My name is April and I am a recovering helicopter parent. I never intended on being a helicopter parent, it just happened. I want to attribute it to my mother and the 1934 Datelines and 48 Hour Mysteries that I have watched about child abduction and murder. I guess I am not a helicopter parent in the true sense of the meaning. I only freak out when it comes to them being out of my eyesight. I am not one to want to make sure that Matthew has little friends at school or everyone shares with Ansley at activity time.
Sigh.
Well maybe I am…or I was. I have taken great strides to try to allow my older kids to spread their wings. It is very difficult for a mother. Her job is to protect them from this “BIG BAD” world. When I was a kid I didn’t get it and I thought my mother was just crazy. Come to find out she is and so am I. Who knew!
I have been struggling with matt going into middle school. Really struggling. I am not sure what I am scared of. Is it him being in a new school that has bell and lockers and 6 different teachers? Hell yes! Is it that he will be with all new kids and we will have to go through the painful period of not really knowing anyone and having friends for a little while? Hell yes! Is it that he will be walking the same halls that I walked 18 years ago and all of a sudden I feel really old? Umm…Hell yes!
Then we have the all important question of how we are going get to school. By we I mean him (but really me in my mind). We have 2 options. Car or Bus. Well I have to say at this point that I had some very bad experiences on the bus when I was a kid and I HATE the bus. However, this is the best option for him because he will be doing this on his own. He will make friends and all will be koombya with the world. He will gain life skills and he will realize that he does not need me.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Does not NEED ME! He needed me to carry his ass for 9 months. He needed me to change his shitty diapers and feed him. He needed me to hold his hand when he was taking his first steps. He needed me when he needed his ass wiped when he was learning to go to the big boy pot. I could list thousands of things that he has needed me for in the last 12 years. Now we have come to this?
Unfortunately we don’t get to pick and choose when they go through this stage any more than we can pick when they decide to take their first steps or go to the big boy pot. They decide when it is time.
I thought I still had a glimmer of hope. Matt was not all hyped up about the bus thing. He actually said he was not going to ride it. Well, like a good mother I told him that he needed to and that he was old enough now to do these type of things. (I guess I should stop here and say it is not just about riding the bus it is about walking to the bus stop without mama and he also will be riding with middle school and high school kids).
So after I gave my little speech about him being a big kid now, we dropped it. My brain started twisting and turning. I have came up with a million reasons why he should not ride the bus. I talked myself into me taking him to school. There. I did it! I am still needed.
Yesterday I informed Matt that I will gladly be taking him to school. He promptly told me that he wanted to ride the bus. Then he proceeded to tell me all the reasons I had given him before for him riding the bus. Just FYI, your own words taste like shit.
It is ok. I will still helicopter in my own way…from afar with my binoculars (and no I am not kidding. Lol). He may not need me, but I will always be there.
Sigh.
Well maybe I am…or I was. I have taken great strides to try to allow my older kids to spread their wings. It is very difficult for a mother. Her job is to protect them from this “BIG BAD” world. When I was a kid I didn’t get it and I thought my mother was just crazy. Come to find out she is and so am I. Who knew!
I have been struggling with matt going into middle school. Really struggling. I am not sure what I am scared of. Is it him being in a new school that has bell and lockers and 6 different teachers? Hell yes! Is it that he will be with all new kids and we will have to go through the painful period of not really knowing anyone and having friends for a little while? Hell yes! Is it that he will be walking the same halls that I walked 18 years ago and all of a sudden I feel really old? Umm…Hell yes!
Then we have the all important question of how we are going get to school. By we I mean him (but really me in my mind). We have 2 options. Car or Bus. Well I have to say at this point that I had some very bad experiences on the bus when I was a kid and I HATE the bus. However, this is the best option for him because he will be doing this on his own. He will make friends and all will be koombya with the world. He will gain life skills and he will realize that he does not need me.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Does not NEED ME! He needed me to carry his ass for 9 months. He needed me to change his shitty diapers and feed him. He needed me to hold his hand when he was taking his first steps. He needed me when he needed his ass wiped when he was learning to go to the big boy pot. I could list thousands of things that he has needed me for in the last 12 years. Now we have come to this?
Unfortunately we don’t get to pick and choose when they go through this stage any more than we can pick when they decide to take their first steps or go to the big boy pot. They decide when it is time.
I thought I still had a glimmer of hope. Matt was not all hyped up about the bus thing. He actually said he was not going to ride it. Well, like a good mother I told him that he needed to and that he was old enough now to do these type of things. (I guess I should stop here and say it is not just about riding the bus it is about walking to the bus stop without mama and he also will be riding with middle school and high school kids).
So after I gave my little speech about him being a big kid now, we dropped it. My brain started twisting and turning. I have came up with a million reasons why he should not ride the bus. I talked myself into me taking him to school. There. I did it! I am still needed.
Yesterday I informed Matt that I will gladly be taking him to school. He promptly told me that he wanted to ride the bus. Then he proceeded to tell me all the reasons I had given him before for him riding the bus. Just FYI, your own words taste like shit.
It is ok. I will still helicopter in my own way…from afar with my binoculars (and no I am not kidding. Lol). He may not need me, but I will always be there.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Meet The Crazies...
When I thinking up blog names I wanted to capture exactly what I was all about. The most important thing in my life is my family. This is also the topic of most of my blog posts. So I thought about one word that encompassed our life. It did not take me but 3 seconds to decide…Crazy.
Crazy-
Mentally deranged, demented, insane, intensely enthusiastic, passionately excited, very enamored or infatuated, intensely anxious or eager, inpatient, unusual, bizarre, wonderful, excellent, perfect, having an unusual and unexpected behavior or pattern…
Oh yes, Crazy it is.
Normally we stay on the good side of Crazy, but sometimes we slide over to the mentally deranged, demented side. I have 3 kids, 2 pre teens and one toddler…don’t judge.
I had another blog where I pretty much wrote about our lives and things that happen. It is never boring around my house. A simple trip to the grocery store is normally exciting. Trust me when I say that I 100% love my family and every second that I am in it. There is no other place in the world that I want to be. Even if my posts sound contrary.
So after all that blah blah I guess you are like holy shit this chick is boring as hell. Oh, did I mention that I have a potty mouth? Why, yes I do! It is not to offend and if the word shit offends you then you probably need to stop reading right now (Thanks for stopping by…). This blog is not for the faint of heart and probably not good for work computers. This is like a diary in my head and damn if my head does not talk like a sailor. I hold no punches and really don’t like people that are pussies and do. Time and place for everything…well here is my place and the time is when ever my fucking little darlings leave me alone for 5 minutes so I can get some of this shit out of my head.
So…now for our cast of characters.
April- I seriously hate writing about myself. I mean how does one really describe oneself accurately. Well I
guess I should start with I am a 33 year old SAHM of 3. I have a tendency to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. That is if I like you. If I really don’t care I will lie and say what you want to hear. I can not stand fake people nor people who take themselves too seriously. I love to laugh and if you are around me a long time I will hit you will a zinger (or BAZINGA for Big Bang fans). I can dish, but I also gladly take. When I am not joking I am a pretty good listener and will try to give the best advice that I can, from all sides.
My totally guilty pleasure is Reality TV. If it is on the shit box I am watching. Before you get all judgy about how I can take care of my kids and keep up with the Kardashians…I don’t watch daytime tv (I mean really, a soap is a soap and I am not that interested in “who’s the daddy”…well maybe sometimes, but I try not to have trash tv on in front of the kids). I do most of my watching at night and I will probably write an OMFG post the next day. Please forgive me.
I write for fun. I am not interested in PR, however if I use a product and it is good and I love it and think that every frappin person in the world needs one…I will make a post. Same with if it is shitty. Mostly this blog is just for me and if anyone thinks that it is interesting and wants to play along…the more the crazier.
Dean- This is my hubby, also know as Poppy and Daddy. We have been together for 5+ years and married for 4+ years. When we got married the older kids were 5 and 7. So he has been involved with the kids from day one. He may not be their biological father, but he is their Poppy. He is the one that helps with homework and drives them where they need to go. More important he is there when they need someone to talk to or rely on. So he is pretty important.
He is also crazy as hell. He is the Yin to my Yang…you know the “you complete me thing”. Well that is how it is in our relationship. That does not mean that he does not drive me slap up a wall and back down again.
Dean and I welcomed a new baby into our family in 2009. This is Dean’s only biological child (although if you saw him with the older kids you would call me a liar). When she came into our lives we were all connected and complete…yes complete. I aint fixing to pop another one out.
Matt- Matt is our oldest child. He is 11 and going to be starting middle school in the next couple of weeks. Matt is the aggravator. He takes this job very seriously, especially when it comes to his sisters. He loves going to church and playing the drums. When he was a baby he was the sweetest child. He would stay right where you put him and did not ever even try to get into anything. At a very young age he showed his very active imagination. He writes stories about fictional brothers Fred and Jed. He also authors and draws a comic strip about wrestling. His most important thing is his love for the Lord and wanting to preach. He very rarely is without his Bible and often references it for guidance.
Ansley- Ansley is out 1st princess. Although she thinks she is a queen. She is almost 10 and is going into the 4th grade. Straight A’s, gifted and talented student. She is a very independent thinker (as nice way of saying stubborn as hell). She is the type of child that always fights for the underdog in any situation. She is a take me as I am because I am wonderful kinda girl. She is a girly girl, but her typical dress is jeans and a t shirt. Like her mama, she is a good mix of city and country. Loves, loves, loves to read and helps Matt write Fred and Jed adventures (when they are not fighting). Ansley is entering into a new world because her big brother will no longer be at her school and she has never been alone. While she would rather swallow a spoon than admit that she is going to miss him…I know. She also is going though some kinda funky “I’m cool” phase. I hear it will end at around 25.
Ansley is the child that is most like me. She is nosey and often finds herself in predicaments. When she was a baby I would call her Lucy (as in I love Lucy). There is just something about us that we end up in trouble. Sometimes good…sometimes bad. She also thinks that she can do anything. Don’t tell her that she can’t…please don’t tell her that she can’t. She then becomes a dog with a bone about it and will not stop until she proves you wrong.
Laney-Claire- LC is our little baby. She is the light of all of our lives. She is entering into her toddler years full force and some days we are all amazed with things that she is learning. She has the most animated personality and does not get lost in this house of crazy. As a matter of fact, she acts a little crazy herself.
So there you have it. We are a house full of crazy. There is no other way to describe my life…except wonderful.
Crazy-
Mentally deranged, demented, insane, intensely enthusiastic, passionately excited, very enamored or infatuated, intensely anxious or eager, inpatient, unusual, bizarre, wonderful, excellent, perfect, having an unusual and unexpected behavior or pattern…
Oh yes, Crazy it is.
Normally we stay on the good side of Crazy, but sometimes we slide over to the mentally deranged, demented side. I have 3 kids, 2 pre teens and one toddler…don’t judge.
I had another blog where I pretty much wrote about our lives and things that happen. It is never boring around my house. A simple trip to the grocery store is normally exciting. Trust me when I say that I 100% love my family and every second that I am in it. There is no other place in the world that I want to be. Even if my posts sound contrary.
So after all that blah blah I guess you are like holy shit this chick is boring as hell. Oh, did I mention that I have a potty mouth? Why, yes I do! It is not to offend and if the word shit offends you then you probably need to stop reading right now (Thanks for stopping by…). This blog is not for the faint of heart and probably not good for work computers. This is like a diary in my head and damn if my head does not talk like a sailor. I hold no punches and really don’t like people that are pussies and do. Time and place for everything…well here is my place and the time is when ever my fucking little darlings leave me alone for 5 minutes so I can get some of this shit out of my head.
So…now for our cast of characters.
April- I seriously hate writing about myself. I mean how does one really describe oneself accurately. Well I
guess I should start with I am a 33 year old SAHM of 3. I have a tendency to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. That is if I like you. If I really don’t care I will lie and say what you want to hear. I can not stand fake people nor people who take themselves too seriously. I love to laugh and if you are around me a long time I will hit you will a zinger (or BAZINGA for Big Bang fans). I can dish, but I also gladly take. When I am not joking I am a pretty good listener and will try to give the best advice that I can, from all sides.
My totally guilty pleasure is Reality TV. If it is on the shit box I am watching. Before you get all judgy about how I can take care of my kids and keep up with the Kardashians…I don’t watch daytime tv (I mean really, a soap is a soap and I am not that interested in “who’s the daddy”…well maybe sometimes, but I try not to have trash tv on in front of the kids). I do most of my watching at night and I will probably write an OMFG post the next day. Please forgive me.
I write for fun. I am not interested in PR, however if I use a product and it is good and I love it and think that every frappin person in the world needs one…I will make a post. Same with if it is shitty. Mostly this blog is just for me and if anyone thinks that it is interesting and wants to play along…the more the crazier.
Dean- This is my hubby, also know as Poppy and Daddy. We have been together for 5+ years and married for 4+ years. When we got married the older kids were 5 and 7. So he has been involved with the kids from day one. He may not be their biological father, but he is their Poppy. He is the one that helps with homework and drives them where they need to go. More important he is there when they need someone to talk to or rely on. So he is pretty important.
He is also crazy as hell. He is the Yin to my Yang…you know the “you complete me thing”. Well that is how it is in our relationship. That does not mean that he does not drive me slap up a wall and back down again.
Dean and I welcomed a new baby into our family in 2009. This is Dean’s only biological child (although if you saw him with the older kids you would call me a liar). When she came into our lives we were all connected and complete…yes complete. I aint fixing to pop another one out.
Matt- Matt is our oldest child. He is 11 and going to be starting middle school in the next couple of weeks. Matt is the aggravator. He takes this job very seriously, especially when it comes to his sisters. He loves going to church and playing the drums. When he was a baby he was the sweetest child. He would stay right where you put him and did not ever even try to get into anything. At a very young age he showed his very active imagination. He writes stories about fictional brothers Fred and Jed. He also authors and draws a comic strip about wrestling. His most important thing is his love for the Lord and wanting to preach. He very rarely is without his Bible and often references it for guidance.
Ansley- Ansley is out 1st princess. Although she thinks she is a queen. She is almost 10 and is going into the 4th grade. Straight A’s, gifted and talented student. She is a very independent thinker (as nice way of saying stubborn as hell). She is the type of child that always fights for the underdog in any situation. She is a take me as I am because I am wonderful kinda girl. She is a girly girl, but her typical dress is jeans and a t shirt. Like her mama, she is a good mix of city and country. Loves, loves, loves to read and helps Matt write Fred and Jed adventures (when they are not fighting). Ansley is entering into a new world because her big brother will no longer be at her school and she has never been alone. While she would rather swallow a spoon than admit that she is going to miss him…I know. She also is going though some kinda funky “I’m cool” phase. I hear it will end at around 25.
Ansley is the child that is most like me. She is nosey and often finds herself in predicaments. When she was a baby I would call her Lucy (as in I love Lucy). There is just something about us that we end up in trouble. Sometimes good…sometimes bad. She also thinks that she can do anything. Don’t tell her that she can’t…please don’t tell her that she can’t. She then becomes a dog with a bone about it and will not stop until she proves you wrong.
Laney-Claire- LC is our little baby. She is the light of all of our lives. She is entering into her toddler years full force and some days we are all amazed with things that she is learning. She has the most animated personality and does not get lost in this house of crazy. As a matter of fact, she acts a little crazy herself.
So there you have it. We are a house full of crazy. There is no other way to describe my life…except wonderful.
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