Air traffic control, this is Big Fat Mama Chopper coming in for a landing

My name is April and I am a recovering helicopter parent. I never intended on being a helicopter parent, it just happened. I want to attribute it to my mother and the 1934 Datelines and 48 Hour Mysteries that I have watched about child abduction and murder. I guess I am not a helicopter parent in the true sense of the meaning. I only freak out when it comes to them being out of my eyesight. I am not one to want to make sure that Matthew has little friends at school or everyone shares with Ansley at activity time.



Sigh.

Well maybe I am…or I was. I have taken great strides to try to allow my older kids to spread their wings. It is very difficult for a mother. Her job is to protect them from this “BIG BAD” world. When I was a kid I didn’t get it and I thought my mother was just crazy. Come to find out she is and so am I. Who knew!

I have been struggling with matt going into middle school. Really struggling. I am not sure what I am scared of. Is it him being in a new school that has bell and lockers and 6 different teachers? Hell yes! Is it that he will be with all new kids and we will have to go through the painful period of not really knowing anyone and having friends for a little while? Hell yes! Is it that he will be walking the same halls that I walked 18 years ago and all of a sudden I feel really old? Umm…Hell yes!

Then we have the all important question of how we are going get to school. By we I mean him (but really me in my mind). We have 2 options. Car or Bus. Well I have to say at this point that I had some very bad experiences on the bus when I was a kid and I HATE the bus. However, this is the best option for him because he will be doing this on his own. He will make friends and all will be koombya with the world. He will gain life skills and he will realize that he does not need me.


WHAT THE FUCK!

Does not NEED ME! He needed me to carry his ass for 9 months. He needed me to change his shitty diapers and feed him. He needed me to hold his hand when he was taking his first steps. He needed me when he needed his ass wiped when he was learning to go to the big boy pot. I could list thousands of things that he has needed me for in the last 12 years. Now we have come to this?


Unfortunately we don’t get to pick and choose when they go through this stage any more than we can pick when they decide to take their first steps or go to the big boy pot. They decide when it is time.


I thought I still had a glimmer of hope. Matt was not all hyped up about the bus thing. He actually said he was not going to ride it. Well, like a good mother I told him that he needed to and that he was old enough now to do these type of things. (I guess I should stop here and say it is not just about riding the bus it is about walking to the bus stop without mama and he also will be riding with middle school and high school kids).

So after I gave my little speech about him being a big kid now, we dropped it. My brain started twisting and turning. I have came up with a million reasons why he should not ride the bus. I talked myself into me taking him to school. There. I did it! I am still needed.

Yesterday I informed Matt that I will gladly be taking him to school. He promptly told me that he wanted to ride the bus. Then he proceeded to tell me all the reasons I had given him before for him riding the bus. Just FYI, your own words taste like shit.

It is ok. I will still helicopter in my own way…from afar with my binoculars (and no I am not kidding. Lol). He may not need me, but I will always be there.